1.
October 14. Sunny 15C°.
Isla’s rusted brown hatchback looked out of place on the newly paved street, it’s boulevards boasting spindly young trees. These trees would grow alongside the small children who inhabited the newly constructed houses. Isla slowed and u-turned again, looking for a parking spot amongst the rows of mini-vans and sport utility vehicles. She spotted a space behind a sleek black SUV, with shiny aluminum rims and dark tinted glass, a cool vehicle except for the tell-tale sign of suburbia, stick figure decals on the tinted back window: golf dad, yoga mom, ballerina daughter and hockey son.
“I hate the suburbs” said Priya, using the cracked passenger-side view mirror to apply plum lipstick as Isla parked. “I don’t care what gender this baby is. Why do we have to spend our free time at a large bleak house with tedious people?”
“Bleak and tedious? Would you like a moment to deal with your negativity?” countered Isla, lingering in the driver seat. “I don’t really want to be here either, but Emma is our best friend.”
Isla reached into the back and grabbed a small package wrapped in brown paper and tied with a simple piece of string.
“You brought a gift?” asked Priya, dismayed.
“You didn’t?”
“In the past year and a half, I have bought a shower gift, a bridesmaid dress, a wedding gift, a housewarming gift, and soon, a baby gift. No, it didn’t cross my mind to bring a gender reveal gift! And how is Emma going to repay me? Do you think she’ll attend a party to raise money to pay for medical school?” said Priya.
“I can picture it now,” said Isla. “It will be completely tacky. Off brand chips and boxed wine served in plastic cups, and a giant bucket for cash donations.”
“They could’ve sent an email.” Priya dropped her head to the dashboard. “I’m so fucking tired.”
“And cranky. This isn’t my idea of fun either, but Emma invited us, and I have to be here, or I’ll hear it from the professor. So thank you for coming with me. Please be nice and don’t say ‘fuck’ – there will be small children.” Isla got out of the car, and they crossed toward the grey two-story house, which looked just like every other house on the block, except for the teal door.
Isla Peters was petite and curvy with long unruly red hair and bright green eyes, her pale skin dotted with freckles. She dressed in bright colours and mixed patterns; today it was green jeans, with an ikat patterned navy tunic and heels –always heels. In contrast to her, Priya Dhaliwal was tall and slim with medium brown skin, her black hair was cut short and asymmetrical. She had on ripped black jeans and a simple white t-shirt, her heavy make-up hiding the fact that she had been up most the night studying.
Best friends since the middle of ninth grade. Both girls had struggled to find their place at a new much larger school. Isla’s locker was next to the locker belonging to Justin Green, who at six foot four and still growing, was a popular sports star already. Regularly he would close his locker, turn, and not see Isla, who was much shorter. Then he’d run into her, throwing her into the lockers and continuing on his way. One day in February, he slammed into her without apologizing.
“Yes, she is short, but watch where you are going, dumb ass!”
Isla looked to see who was yelling, and there was Priya. Her hands on her hips glaring up at giant Justin Green. Justin looked from Isla to Priya and mumbled an apology. That was the moment Isla knew she had found her person.
“Hello and welcome to Andrew and Emma’s! I’m Alicia, the official greeter!” The woman who answered the door was unfamiliar. She was dressed in trendy activewear with her hair pulled tightly into a high ponytail, and her voice had a bouncy, birdlike quality to it. “Let me guess—you must be Isla and Priya? Come in! I’ve been dying to meet you. Emma speaks so highly of both of you. Her childhood best friends, how precious!” Alicia pressed her hand to her heart and gaped at them. She continued her chirping while Isla and Priya exchanged annoyed looks.
“Thank goodness today is such a gorgeous day! You never know with this time of year, it could be the last warm day before winter. The party is in the yard. Go down through the kitchen and out the garden doors. How silly of me–Isla you’re Andrew’s sister? You have been here before?”
Isla forced a smile until they were out of sight.
“Living the suburban dream,” Priya whispered sarcastically as they walked through the pristine house.
“Don’t laugh, this will be us someday.”
“Maybe you, but not me.”
“We’ll see, Ms. Never-Getting-Married,” said Isla.
“I think you mean Dr. Never-Getting-Married.”
Isla laughed as she pushed the garden door open, and gasped as they entered onto the deck. The yard was decorated in pale pinks and blues, bunting was strewn above the deck, and clusters of balloons were equally spaced around the perimeter of the yard. A table was set up with a multi- coloured cake. On the top, a mini chalk board sign asked, “Boy or Girl?”
A gang of children chased each other, weaving between the adults, as their mothers yelled out ignored instructions: “Be careful!” “Please don’t get that dress dirty!” “No more cookies!”
“Priya! Isla!” came a squeal from across the yard. Emma rushed towards them, her shoulder-length, gold-blond hair catching a glint of the late afternoon sun. Isla stared at how much rounder Emma looked since the last time they had seen her, just two weeks ago.
Isla and Priya made it through ninth grade, the next year they were lucky enough to have lockers separated by only one locker. And it was Emma who had the one between them. Quickly, her organized, steady, calmness in both dramatic and mundane moments turned the inseparable duo into a trio.
“Em!” Isla exclaimed accepting the first hug. “You look—pregnant. I mean amazing.”
“I’ve really popped in the last couple of weeks,” Emma said proudly, smoothing her pink maternity dress over her bump so they could admire it.
“You look great,” said Priya, accepting a hug as well.
“Thanks. Alicia and I have been doing prenatal yoga. Can you believe she’s due only a month after me? She’s hardly showing, and it’s her third. Anyway, prenatal yoga: A-maz-ing! It’s really helped me keep in shape, and plus I feel so in tune with Li—-the baby. Oh shoot, I almost gave away the surprise!” Emma giggled.
“Aunt Nancy!” she called suddenly, waving at the older couple who just entered the yard. “We’ll chat later—have a drink and some snacks,” she said, pointing at the lavish spread of food before dashing off.
Priya poured herself a glass of punch. “What’s the likelihood there’s booze in this?”
“Ha,” replied Isla, piling a plate full of chips and dip. Glancing around, they tried to figure out what to do next. Priya raised an eyebrow towards the group of young men standing in the corner of the yard.
“Don’t get your hopes up. They’re all married,” said Isla, waving at her older brother, Andrew, who was standing in the middle of the group.
Just then, a heavyset woman in her late fifties came barrelling past them. Today, she was wearing teal pants with a large purple cardigan with tiny, embroidered carrots. She had shoulder length greying dark hair with a streak of pink in front. Though her eccentric appearance didn’t always convey her intelligence and ambition, it did however express her contempt for staying in fashion.
“Mom!” called Isla. The woman stopped and turned back to the girls.
“Isla! You’re here on time!” exclaimed the woman, grabbing her daughter’s cheek and kissing it, turning to Priya and doing the same.
“Hi Dee,” replied Priya.
“What are you wearing?” Isla questioned.
“Isn’t it hilarious? Carrots!” Dee said, breaking into loud peals of laughter. “I found it at MCC this week. Perfect for fall, don’t you think?”
Isla shook her head no. Dee ignored her and continued, “So glad you guys made it! Quite the party huh?”
“Oh yes,” said Priya.
“Between you and me, it’s ridiculous to spend money on something like this. In our day, we found out what we were having the moment it popped out. Emma said they even have a name picked out. Can you believe it? Isla, I thought you were bringing Michael?” Dee rambled without taking a breath.
“I—uh, he couldn’t make it,” replied Isla, holding her breath that the subject would be dropped.
“There’s Joan! You guys should come say hi — that reminds me, Priya, did you have a chance to read that book on intersectional feminism that I lent you? I would love to hear what you thought, as a woman of colour. Let’s talk later, shall we?” she said, rushing away without waiting for an answer.
“The professor is in fine form today,” said Isla, scanning the yard for her father.
Priya grabbed her shoulder and looked directly into her eyes. “You haven’t told your parents about Michael yet?”
Isla glared back. “No, and now is not the time.”
“When are you going to tell them? It’s been nearly a month since he dumped you,” said Priya.
“It’s only been seventeen days, but I don’t want to talk about this now. I’d like to make it through the party without crying. I’ll tell them at lunch on Sunday.”
“Promise me, or I will tell them.”
“Fine.” Isla huffed. She pointed towards a tall slim man with red hair fading into pale grey, bent over a small flower bed tucked next to a small shed. “Look, there’s my dad!”
“Hi, Dad!” Isla called. The older man stood up, startled. He had dirt all over his hands and red creeping into his cheeks.
“Are you weeding?” she asked.
“Well, you see, once the grass starts to creep in and take hold, it becomes very difficult to…umm yes, I was weeding” He picked up a rogue pink napkin as it floated by, wiping most of the dirt off his hands. “How are you guys?”
Priya and Isla shrugged, neither of them willing to offer much. Andrew broke away from his group to join them. He was tall and slim like his dad, but had his mother’s brown hair and dark eyes, framed by a fashionable pair of glasses Emma had recently picked out for him. As he was about to greet them, Emma rushed up and grabbed his arm.
“Time for the surprise!” she exclaimed, dragging him back to the deck. The look on his face said shoot me now. Isla knew this party was a step away from hell for her introverted brother.
Isla had been thrilled when her brother and best friend got married. They’d been together for so many years, she could hardly remember them being apart. But now Emma and Andrew had crossed over to a new world, full of mortgages and life insurance. She and Priya were left behind, not sure if they even wanted to follow. With a baby on the way, the strings that held them all together had begun to fray.
Emma led Andrew up onto the deck, where Alicia was playing ringmaster, calling everyone to gather for the main event. The cake was front and centre, everyone gathered around, buzzing with anticipation.
“Is this for real?” Priya muttered.
Isla shushed Priya, smiling apologetically to the young mother next to them.
“All right ladies and gentlemen, the moment we’ve all been waiting for! Time to discover what Emma and Andrew are having,” announced Alicia.
“It’s a velociraptor” hissed Priya.
Emma and Andrew together picked up the knife, which had pink and blue ribbons tied around it, and sliced into the cake. A professional photographer blitzed around them, capturing the hallowed moment.
“It’s a boy!” cried Alicia, and everyone cheered.
Priya rolled her eyes. “I hope he smashes it in her face.”
“Alicia’s or Emma’s?” asked Isla.
“Em’s. she deserves it for throwing such a stupid party,” said Priya. “How long until we can leave?”
Emma got the crowd’s attention. “We are thrilled to be having a boy! His name is…” She paused for dramatic effect. “William Bennet! And we are going to call him Liam.”
Receiving the reaction she wanted, she continued, “Thank you all so much for coming! We are so happy to have such wonderful neighbours and friends around us as we enter this new stage of our life.” Emma looked lovingly to Andrew who squirmed uncomfortably in the spotlight. “I love my little family so much!”
Immediately, Emma was surrounded by a group of young women, none of whom Isla or Priya recognized. Isla sighed. “Let’s go.”
Dee caught them sneaking out the gate. “Are you leaving already? You just got here!”
“Pri worked all night, she’s tired and grumpy—and it’s not really our crowd,” Isla said, gesturing to the group of women fawning over Emma.
“They’re such nice ladies. Emma’s lucky she has made some good friends. I’m sure if you took the time to get to know them, you’d have tons in common with them,” Dee encouraged, ever the diplomat.
“She didn’t need new friends,” Isla protested.
Dee sighed, as they watched the group of women pressing gifts into Emma’s hands. Baby blankets, miniature grown-up outfits, and educational toys.
Unimpressed, Isla said, “I’m sure they’re all really nice, but I don’t think we have anything in common. All Emma cares about these days are babies and decorating her house.”
“And we like rum and single men,” piped up Priya. Isla jabbed her in the ribs.
“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that,” said Dee. “Give it time. You three have been friends for so long, I’m sure you’ll figure this out.”
What are people Saying about TATWTMAS:
“An entertaining and delightful read. I found myself wanting desperately to be adopted into the friend group of Isla, Emma and Priya. Each of their stories profoundly touching in completely different ways. If you enjoy heartwarming stories about strong women and fierce female friendships add this book to your “to read” list” –Brooklyn on goodreads
“This book is flirty and feminist and fun. It’s wildly Winnipeg-specific and effortlessly universal. It’s reluctant rom-com and fabulously bantered female friendship. Is (f)rom-com a genre? If so, this is it. It’s witty and snarky and hopeful.” — Heather on Facebook
“I have this beautiful bookmark but I didn’t really need it! I couldn’t put the book down! IMHO, any female (& quite likely most males) will relate to the characters, scenarios & relationships elaborately described in this novel. No matter your age, ethnicity, spirituality, relationship status, etc, you will relate in some way. As I was reading I kept thinking to myself “I can’t believe this is her first novel”! I can’t wait for another!” — Tara on Facebook
To purchase a physical copy from me you can email lisa@lisajoelle.ca
or you can purchase a copy from the Friesen’s book store https://books.friesenpress.com/store/title/119734000336716066
Kobo :https://www.kobo.com/ca/en/ebook/there-are-thirty-ways-to-make-a-scene
Amazon